I Am What I Am

“I do my thing and you do your thing,” wrote the psychotherapist Fritz Perls, in what has come to be known as the Gestalt Prayer. “I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it is beautiful. If not, it cannot be helped.”

I first read those lines somewhere years ago, and they have stayed with me ever since, mostly because a friend's feedback recently sent me straight back to them.

These days everyone claims to be open to constructive feedback, or what is more honestly called negative feedback, though I doubt most of us really are. I certainly was not, the last time a friend offered me hers. My reaction to it was, if I am honest, a fairly reactive one, which probably means I am no more open to feedback than the next person. So does that make this whole blog, My Stance, just my way of justifying myself? Not quite. She was not looking for me to live up to her expectations anyway, she would hardly care either way. But now that I share my stance here, I might as well try to make it worth reading, whether or not I ever took her feedback to heart.

It seems only fair, then, that you know a little about who is writing this. Those who already know me need no introduction, but knowing my name, my background, my designation, tells you very little about who I actually am. I speak my mind, most of the time, but that alone does not tell you much either. There are, I think, three kinds of people who speak their mind. The blunt ones, who say what they think and rarely care how it lands. The deadly honest ones, who do care how it lands but cannot help themselves anyway, honest even about their own dishonesty. And then there is the kind who is a bit of both, blunt yet still caring, which is closer to who I am, or at least who I would like to think I am. None of us are perfect at it, and we all end up offending someone along the way.

I am sometimes so caught up in my own cleverness that I do not fully understand what I am saying myself. Or perhaps everyone else is simply too slow to follow. Either way, दुनिया पागल है या फिर मैं दीवाना, who is going to settle that argument.

Anyone who has watched Spider Man will remember the line, with great power comes great responsibility. In the corporate world, power arrives in packages of different designations, and the higher you climb, the more of it you are handed. You are always being watched, always expected to speak and act the way you are meant to.

I have heard this before, more times than I can count, and I have always wondered what the right script actually is. There is not one, of course, or someone would have written it down by now, a formula that turns any ordinary person into a successful manager or leader.

So what does one do instead. Spend a lifetime searching for a script, or simply try to be yourself. Neither, really. Life is more like a race where your feet feel heavy on the ground at first, and the more you run, the lighter they become, until you reach a point where you are flying, even while your feet stay firmly on the earth. Watch any athlete and you will see exactly what I mean.

So why the hurry. Enjoy the music while the song still plays. Life was never about being perfect, it is the small absurdities along the way that make it worth living.

I can already feel my feet growing lighter as I run, my words a little more refined each time I speak. I know I am getting closer to that point where I start flying while still grounded.

Wish me luck, I have only just cleared the first hurdle in what is turning out to be a long relay race, and I know there are many more ahead.

May I keep running.

I may have said all this before, in one way or another, but my explanation, I suspect, will always come out a little differently each time.